To a girl who sat and listened
helped me while i cried
spoke peace to my condition
and helped me learn to confide

I was scared to speak
since i was taught not to
that it meant i was weak
but you said that wasn't true

then you listened
pulled me close
and let me rest
with emotions exposed

you made me feel safe
like i was home
i didn't want to leave your place
since it was peace on a tiresome day

thank you for listening my dear
thank you for helping me be strong
thank you for quieting my fears
and being with me on this journey all along. 

Please find my heart and pursue
since i am damaged and torn
please make the broken parts untrue
since i am unable and my hands are worn

-->

welcome to a place

where god celebrates with you

by waking us with his grace

and making reality finally seem true

but i was scared of seeing the genuine

so i devised a plan made of lonely bricks

that sought to keep his grace confined

and restrain my heart from being fixed

brick by lonely brick i build my desolate wall

i built it so thick the sun stopped shining

and i was confined to a world so small

my heart began a process of dying

day became so dark

my heart became so numb

until i saw a little spark

that reminded me what i was created from

then i heard a murmur

from the outside of the wall

it made my heart go into tremors

since the voice whispered my name being called

the voice asked about my health

and said i would die

i thought it was a lie until he told me

i had built the wall around myself

he said he'd take the lonely bricks on himself

and do it alone with his might

so i could know true health

and come back to real life

when the final brick was moved

my heart sank once more

he took the wall on himself, fully, in servitude

because of me he is bound... my heart tore

i laid there weeping for a day

cursing my damned wall

the one who saved me from myself i betrayed

and he took it all

knowing i couldn't break a wall reinforced

i began to leave, since i had nothing to bring

then in radiant light he burst forth

like a phoenix bearing wings.

he emerged carrying his grace and glory

so i could celebrate again

without a care or a worry

or a thought of where i have been

my lonely desolate wall was gone without a trace

along with the reminder that i was once damned

he came close and gently put his hand on my face

and simply said

" here i am"

there is a war you haven't seen
because it is bigger than earth
and only felt in our dreams,
since we were drafted at birth

life and death were at war
our king came and met us on earth
just so we could have a curtain torn
and enter into a second birth

death made a final stride
as we watched our king die
i thought i would have to hide
but death was only the beginning of His battle cry

now i am a soldier in a multiworld war
serving behind a warrior king
who offered to die for me, an unfaithful whore
so i wouldn't be allowed to flirt with hell in a fling

he came to kill death
and claim his right as a husband
and death won't be left breathing
since death's death was perfectly planned

the war is still goin'
and we are charged to fight until death
since that is when we go home
and finally sit in glory finding our rest.

i cannot wait for you to come back down
sometimes i wish i knew the date
when i get to see your crown
but until then i am content to wait

the first time you came
the entire world changed
since the strongest are now the lame
and heaven is no longer out of our range

i was an orphan
and you said i was your son
i ran and you pursued me with loving contortions
until i stopped running and believed it was done

while i am still in-between two lives
you charged me with bringing in your reign
by showing how to make our souls arise
since when you've tasted joy nothing is the same.

note: saint mary street is where i live. It's a reference to my street, not jesus's mother. i do love jesus's, though.

i have been broken
more than i can explain
but there is a part awoken
by feeling this pain

a part that is full of longing
and in a constant search
for what is the purpose of belonging
that has been in my heart since birth

there is a purpose i cannot explain
i only find it when i walk out
and get washed in the rain
and simply walk about

it is a simple peace
that is sweeter than life
i experience a full release
and my heart rests without any strife

this is why i love summer nights
when i can wander without constrains
under saint mary's street lights
being washed in the summer rain.

what is freedom
and how far does it span?
i'm confused since i'm bound to a kingdom
and now part of its plan

i followed what i felt
i thought it would make me free
but it created a personal hell
i was unable to flee

freedom is larger than grandiose plans
than pursuing a title or crown
or siezing what is mans
and it's only discovered by being bound

freedom comes when every act
is a pursuit of glory
by celebrating what we do not lack
since we're discovering the creators story

to eat, smoke, and drink
is not longer a mere end
because every thought we think
is celebrating that we've been cleansed

freedom forever changes the ordinary
nothing is a mere end
it goes deeper than we could intend
since it's the pursuit of glory.

this poem is more of a story of a mindset and how it worked its way out into a persons life. The idea is that of consumption. If you look at our cities, our advertisements, everything, you will notice the common theme of consumption and how we are taught to consume at all costs, since we deserve it. This is just about how consumption takes its toll on this one man.

my hands cannot produce
my mind can no longer create
i have become a recluse
a child in a mans place

i had grand and vast ideas
high hopes and large dreams
but what i did only reveals
my beliefs underlying themes

it began with what i ate
i never feasted, but only consumed
i drank and lavished myself until it was late
and when i woke i simply resumed

i worked hoping to find more
so i could hold what i was told was good
i slaved until my hands were torn
just to live in a better neighborhood

i married for love i thought
but it was just so i could fulfill my lust
she wasn't what i really sought
and my heart still laid in the dust

i brought three children to this earth
giving to them seemed satisfying
but i wanted them to be perfect at their birth
so nothing i said was sanctifying

every good intention was duplicit
all of it was meant to fulfill me
everything i said had something to elicit
i never gave or offered an apology

i consumed it all
until every good thing was devoured
my life began to fall
the only thing left was my sin, totally empowered

i sat at my desk
unable to forget my sorrow
because of the lives i've wrecked
and pray no one looks at me as one to follow

death looked like the way redeem
all the pain i forced into peoples life
there was no way for me to be cleaned
so i began to use a knife

as i began to take my breath
a man spoke a few simple words
" it's already paid, there is none left
my life was given to pay for your death"

i wept as i lay powerless
unable to justify my life
yet i lay here guiltless
with no turmoil, not a hint of strife

i finally was able to rest
to lay in silence
with an alien righteousness impressed
my soul and god were in compliance

with my blood leaving
a new one entered
i am gladly clinging
on the hope of a new world he's bringing

The great reversal happened
so i may no longer weep
see joy no man imagined
and finally lay down to sleep

sadness is no longer my affliction
since jesus imparted joy to my breath
sorrow is no longer my restriction
and i do not live in fear of death

my doubts and fears were crucified
with a man who embodied perfection
and now my anxiety subsides
because he paid for my infection

i'm free to scream and run
to live and create
because it is done
now i live and for his return await.

I am so tired
after man long years
of chasing what i desired
i am filled with fears

my desk is covered with papers
my stomach is hollow
my dreams are mere vapors
and in my pity i wallow

are my dreams really what is good?
do i really need to pursue this stress
is what i really desire mere food?
what i am asking is this:
is there more to life than this torrential mess?

there is a longing in my soul
to create and be free
as if i have a hole
that sits deep inside of me

there is a man that made sense of me
even though i was a wretch
he had spoken my plea
with his arms outstretched

he told me this was not my home
and that is why i longed to leave
i am not cursed to roam
i follow him and he is pleased

he's given me a family, a home
a place to slumber, to rest
where i no longer have sins to atone
following him makes suffering my best
since someday i will eternally rest