this poem is more of a story of a mindset and how it worked its way out into a persons life. The idea is that of consumption. If you look at our cities, our advertisements, everything, you will notice the common theme of consumption and how we are taught to consume at all costs, since we deserve it. This is just about how consumption takes its toll on this one man.

my hands cannot produce
my mind can no longer create
i have become a recluse
a child in a mans place

i had grand and vast ideas
high hopes and large dreams
but what i did only reveals
my beliefs underlying themes

it began with what i ate
i never feasted, but only consumed
i drank and lavished myself until it was late
and when i woke i simply resumed

i worked hoping to find more
so i could hold what i was told was good
i slaved until my hands were torn
just to live in a better neighborhood

i married for love i thought
but it was just so i could fulfill my lust
she wasn't what i really sought
and my heart still laid in the dust

i brought three children to this earth
giving to them seemed satisfying
but i wanted them to be perfect at their birth
so nothing i said was sanctifying

every good intention was duplicit
all of it was meant to fulfill me
everything i said had something to elicit
i never gave or offered an apology

i consumed it all
until every good thing was devoured
my life began to fall
the only thing left was my sin, totally empowered

i sat at my desk
unable to forget my sorrow
because of the lives i've wrecked
and pray no one looks at me as one to follow

death looked like the way redeem
all the pain i forced into peoples life
there was no way for me to be cleaned
so i began to use a knife

as i began to take my breath
a man spoke a few simple words
" it's already paid, there is none left
my life was given to pay for your death"

i wept as i lay powerless
unable to justify my life
yet i lay here guiltless
with no turmoil, not a hint of strife

i finally was able to rest
to lay in silence
with an alien righteousness impressed
my soul and god were in compliance

with my blood leaving
a new one entered
i am gladly clinging
on the hope of a new world he's bringing

The great reversal happened
so i may no longer weep
see joy no man imagined
and finally lay down to sleep

sadness is no longer my affliction
since jesus imparted joy to my breath
sorrow is no longer my restriction
and i do not live in fear of death

my doubts and fears were crucified
with a man who embodied perfection
and now my anxiety subsides
because he paid for my infection

i'm free to scream and run
to live and create
because it is done
now i live and for his return await.

I am so tired
after man long years
of chasing what i desired
i am filled with fears

my desk is covered with papers
my stomach is hollow
my dreams are mere vapors
and in my pity i wallow

are my dreams really what is good?
do i really need to pursue this stress
is what i really desire mere food?
what i am asking is this:
is there more to life than this torrential mess?

there is a longing in my soul
to create and be free
as if i have a hole
that sits deep inside of me

there is a man that made sense of me
even though i was a wretch
he had spoken my plea
with his arms outstretched

he told me this was not my home
and that is why i longed to leave
i am not cursed to roam
i follow him and he is pleased

he's given me a family, a home
a place to slumber, to rest
where i no longer have sins to atone
following him makes suffering my best
since someday i will eternally rest